Britney Spears is in lockdown!

Why is everyone acting like they don't know why she's in the hospital again?  We know she's there for a certain amount of time and that we won't know anything else until then.  It's obvious to me that she's in there for detoxification purposes.  They're probably have her strapped to a bed, waiting for the withdrawal symptoms to ease up.  And that's a good thing because, as it turns out, I'm really enjoying her new songs. 

Giuliani and Edwards are finally dropping out

Poor, stupid Rudy Giuliani. I can't believe he thought he could actually win. I mean, sure George W. Bush almost won the election back in 2000 based on name recognition but I think America has figured out that name recognition isn't enough. (In fact, what name recognition gets you is the worst president in the history of America.)

The thing I found funny was Rudy on TV yesterday, answering every question with "We're gonna win. We're gonna win and we're gonna go on to California." He was telling the country he believed he was gonna come from behind and pull off a win--even though all the polls showed him with, like, 13% support from voters. By all accounts, he'd end up in third--or maybe fourth--place. But he looked right into those cameras and said "We're gonna win." At one point, he actually suggested his campaign had lulled the other candidates into a "very false sense of security." And he mentioned how the polls in Nevada said Obama was going to beat Clinton but she won anyway. (Note to Rudy: Clinton was doing a smidge better than 13% in those polls.)

I really laughed at these things. This is a different reaction from when Giuliani first entered the fray. It will likely take decades for me to get over the incredible stupidity Americans displayed in 2000 and 2004 so Giuliani wanting to be president initially struck fear. Fortunately, he began unraveling with lightning speed. Watching him stumble repeatedly was really enjoyable. Watching him try recover by showing video grabs from the streets of New York City on September 11, 2001, however, was despicable.

As fate would have it, Rudy was right about the polls being wrong. He didn't get 13% of the vote. He got 15%. Of course, John McCain got 36% and Mitt Romney got 31%.

Yesterday, Rudy wouldn't answer question about whether he'd drop out of the race if he lost Florida. He said he doesn't deal in "hypotheticals." (Funny. When the reporters asked the question, it always sounded more like a "certainty.") By all indications, Giuliani will be publicly dropping out of the race tonight and throwing his considerably diminished clout behind John McCain.

But wait. There's more! John Edwards will beat Giuliani to the punch by dropping out during a speech this afternoon. He will be endorsing no one for now. (I suspect he'll wait until the picture gets a bit more clear and he'll support whomever looks to be more likely to get the nomination. That way, he might be asked to be his or her running mate.)

So we're pretty much looking at a two-person race on both sides: Clinton vs. Obama and McCain vs. Romney. Of course, Romney doesn't stand a chance which is a shame because either Clinton or Obama could handily mash him into tiny electoral bits.

Stay tuned people. It just got interesting!

I finally have a QWERTY keyboard phone. Text away, bitches!

Y'all know my favorite color is orange.

I've been waiting forever to get this phone. And not just because it's orange. But it is orange, people.

The people at Verizon Wireless were very nice to me today. As I said, I've wanted this phone for as long as I can remember but it was, like, $300 and my New Every Two wasn't expiring until July or something.

The price is now a bit lower but I noticed the other day that they're is offering it to non-Verizon customers for $80. This of course is to get them to leave their current mobile phone carrier and sign a contract with Verizon. But still: Eighty fuckin dollars? So how much is it for me, a twelve-year customer? Full price. And how did I find out about this inequity? Verizon Wireless had the gall to send a promotional e-mail about it to their existing customers!

I fired off an incredulous e-mail about how they obviously don't care as much about retaining customers as they do about getting customers from the competition. I guess they noticed that my contract is ending in July because they sprung into action.

They moved my New Every Two expiration up to today. I went right to the Verizon Wireless store and picked up my new orange baby for $29! Try that, T-Mobile suckers!

Ha ha ha

Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama? I have the answer.

Until recently, it didn't matter to me whether Clinton was nominated and tapped Obama to be her running mate or Obama was nominated and tapped Clinton to be his. It didn't matter because either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama is going to be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. We could argue about which is more electable--and it wouldn't really matter if the Republican nominee wasn't John McCain. But the Republican nominee will be John McCain. So the question becomes: Who has a better chance of beating John McCain?

Good arguments can be made for both candidates. But what can't be argued is that it would be nearly impossible to beat a Democratic ticket including both Clinton and Obama. With such a ticket, Obama Democrats get what they want (his rose-colored-glasses outlook for the future) but they get it along with the experience of battle-tested Hillary Clinton. It's hard to deny that experience is a big requirement for the position of President of the United States.

Here's where the real question comes in: Should we be supporting Clinton or Obama? I would argue that we should throw our support behind Hillary Clinton. Here's why: Following eight years under the rule of Bush/Cheney & Friends, we'll need sixteen years of Democratic leadership to even get started fixing things. All things considered, we'll have an easier time getting Obama elected President to follow Clinton than we would getting Clinton elected to follow Obama. With eight years as Hillary's vice-president on his résumé, Obama will have the experience necessary to lead the country for another eight. The choice is clear.

Tax time!

I just filed my federal and state taxes.  I'm getting almost $1,000 back!  I wasn't expecting that for some reason.  Shit, once I get my economic stimulus check, I'll be able to go to the store and put a stop to our impending recession all by myself!

Excitement?

Suddenly just moments ago, I realized that the impending changes in my life are actually kinda exciting.  I'm looking at a new job (a lot more attuned to what I like to do) and a new schedule (most likely giving me more time to hang out with my friends).  These things can change my entire life.  Maybe the changes won't be great.  But you know what?  They probably will be.  I still feel a measure of anxiety--there are certain areas of my life where I simply do not enjoy change--but a level of excitement has been added to buffer it.  Nice!

So then...uh...that's a 'No?'

The White House had the usual State of the Union day briefing where they try to shove shit down the throats of the press. That Perino bitch I talked about yesterday... boy, she's a real piece of work.

She was asked "Is the country better off now than seven years ago?"

Below is her... Well, I don't know what to call it. It's certainly not an answer.

“Certainly seven years ago... Well, seven years ago, right before September 11th, I think that people would say that the country certainly felt better
off. There’s been... Once we were confronted with terrorists who would fly jumbo jets into buildings and kill thousands of our citizens in an instant, it created a sense of fear and nervousness about our security. And that’s why the president decided to take on the terrorists head on and go on the offense.

“And we have done that around the world. We have been successful so far in preventing another attack on our country. But it’s not for their lack of trying. And that’s another reason why the president, tonight you’ll hear him call on Congress to pass the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act reauthorization. They have until Friday to do that, and the president sees no reason why they shouldn’t be able to get that done.”

Was that a "bait-and-switch" or just a standard "Bush administration dodge?"

Paula Abdul's new single

Paula Abdul's new single is out! Anyone who knows me knows I've been her biggest faggy fan since 1988--and that not much has changed in the ensuing twenty years. I still listen to all her songs all the time.

The new joint is called "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow" and it should be a club banger for sure. Oh, and she's performing it somehow during the Super Bowl pre-show.

Click the picture (above) to go to iTunes and download the song!

Message to Rudy: Pull out!

The polls in Florida aren't getting any better for Guiliani. He's obviously not going to get the nomination which of course means he's got no chance of leading this country (further down). Shouldn't he just quit? Why keep spending money (which he's apparently just about out of) only to face the biggest, most public embarrassment of his career?

Personally, I'd like to see Rudy pull out and become McCain's eventual running mate. That way he can derail McCain's campaign as well.

Bush's last State of the Union

The thing that amazes me about this douchebag is how he feels like he can tell Congress what to do. His bitch spokesperson Perino (or whatever her name is) goes out to her podium all the time blabbing about what Bush is going to "tell" people to do. She said it again today when discussing the retard Bush's final State of the Union address. She said he's going to "tell" them not to do anything that might derail it.

Well, how's about this for Perino and Bush: Stick it up your asses. How's this lame duck idiot, the worst president in the history of the country, going to "tell" anyone what to do? Congress--especially a unified Congress with the best interests of citizens in mind--has a lot more power. So shut it already.

Democrats in Congress want the economic stimulus package to include senior citizens and to expand unemployment benefits. This will lower everyone's checks from $600 to $500. I, being a kind person who cares about others, will gladly give up $100 if it's going to help the elderly and unemployed. Anyone in Congress who thinks that's a bad idea should be impeached immediately. Fuckin scumbags.

By the way, whether it's $500 or $600, hurry up and get me my damn check!

Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper

Do you guys even realize the delicious implications of this? I've tried the product and I'm not gonna lie to you: It's fuckin amazing.

My mother told me about it and was surprised that I hadn't already heard of it. (I am a huge fan of Diet Dr. Pepper.) Wonderful as it is to have something so delicious introduced to the world, I was disappointed that it had somehow slipped under my radar.

Although there's no apparent chocolate in the product (and really, how could there be?), it certainly tastes like there is. This may well be accomplished with some sort of chemical compound but the product is only available for a limited time, meaning we probably won't find out about it until after the fact. For some reason, that is allowing me to be OK with it.

Now, from the "To My Horror and Disgust" files: I don't know when, where, why, or how...but I came across this image on the Internets tonight...

...and I am left wondering the same things: "When?" "Where?" "Why?" And certainly "how?" (Mind you, I would absolutely buy Diet Coke with Bacon were it to appear on store shelves tomorrow.)