Wow!

Remember how I used to blog all the time?  Seems like so long ago!  Meh.

I'm moving!

Have I updated this at all?  Do I ever update it?  What's happened to me?  Do you know anything that's been going on?  So much has been happening. 

Do you know that my parents are getting divorced?  We always knew my dad is a loser but after all these years, turns out he's also a lying scumbag.  He somehow managed to trick a 28-year-old girl (total white trash--I've met her) to fool around with him.  I strongly suspect she agreed to do it since she needs a job and he happens to be her boss.  Anyway in case you're a little slow, this means he cheated on my mom.  My mom who has put up with him being an inhumane asshole for almost four decades and who is the mother of his three kids and who who has inoperable cancer. 

Do you know that I started dating a guy in October in what was pretty much a fairy tale and that we quickly moved in together and that he turned out to be a basketcase of self-doubt and depression?  Did I mention passive aggression?  I loved him so much but I just couldn't deal with the stress of it.  He wasn't doing anything to help himself, even though I asked him to.  You can't be around that negativity all the time, ya know?  I was forced out of love with him.

You'd think that with these kinds of things going on, I'd be miserable.  But I'm not.  I'm still a happy person.  After all, my only real goal in life is to be happy.  Part of the responsibility of having such a goal is to rid myself of things that threaten my happiness.  As such, I got rid of the father and sadly I had to get rid of the boy. 

The apartment I got with the boyfriend is a very nice place but it's more space than I need and at $795 a month, it's more than I want to pay.  Since I moved to Philly, all I ever wanted was a studio.  A small space where I can store myself and my belongings.  So last week, I began using the internet to find out what kinda prices I can expect for studio apartments.  My lease isn't up until December so this research was just for informational purposes but I was contacted by a girl who's looking to upgrade from her studio to a 1BR.  (Ironically, she needs more room because her boyfriend is moving in.) 

We met this weekend and we like each others' apartments so in three weeks, I'm moving.  She lives on my street, less than one block south.  It's so amazing because I really want to live on Broad Street and I had no idea I could find a studio right here.  It faces the back so I lose my view of Center City but I'd stopped looking at it anyway.  I also won't be able to see the parade from my living room anymore...but that also means I won't have any of the road noise that comes with living on Broad Street.  I am totally cool with these trade-offs.  Plus, it's only $625!  It's $170 per month less than I was gonna be paying if I stayed in my current apartment.  Oh!  And check this out:  She has a portable washer & dryer in her apartment and she's giving them to me in exchange for my sofa and my dining room set!  I didn't have room for them anyway! 

Can you imagine?  A studio apartment for $625, right where I want to live, and with my very own washer & dryer!  Life is good!

Here we go! I'm going to be normal now!

It's 4:00 on Thursday afternoon.  In three hours, I'll walk out the door and when I come back, it'll be Monday morning at 8:30.  8:30 in the morning.  Yeesh.  And then I'll have to do that every day through Friday. 

Putting aside (for just one moment) the trouble I'll have waking up every weekday for the rest of my life, there will be traffic and long lines at Dunkin Donuts.  Then on the way home, there will be traffic again.  And now that I'll be working regular hours, the gym will be filled with other people who work regular hours--instead of being completely empty as I'm used to.

The upsides sound really great right now but it's yet to be seen whether I'm right about that.  I'll have off both Saturday and Sunday like normal people.  (I have always kinda wondered how those normal people live.  What's it like to go to a bar at, like, 8:00 p.m.--and not close the place?)  I'll be able to get home at, like, 6:15 p.m. and have a full night to be able to get things done (or movies watched or clothes cleaned).  And last but not least, I will be sitting over there (I'm pointing right now) with the normal-ish people. 

No more will I have to hear the constant bleating of that infantile (though over 50) moron, nor that of his new equally (alarmingly) immature partner in crime.  My god, they're perfect or each other.  And they can have this side of the building all to themselves.  Well, of course they'll have to share it with a few people.

They'll have to share with the kid on the other side of this wall whose obvious cocaine habit requires that he sniff loudly and clear his throat every minute or so.  (I once saw him lean out of his driver's side door and vomit onto the parking lot.) 

They'll have to share with angry foreigner--who seems as if he could blow up at any moment and who refuses to get a tighter grasp on the English language than the relatively loose one he's had since I met him. 

They'll have to share with the little intern who could, 400 lb's of battering ram who's always trying to prove he's a man...and who doesn't seem to realize he's hopelessly in love with the girl who sits on the other side of his wall.  Everyone else seems to realize it but mostly because it makes us nauseous. 

Looking at things that way, the pros have to outweight the cons!  I think I'll have a drink tonight to celebrate!

Cafferty Commentary: Time for Cheney to go hunting

Jack Cafferty and I don't always agree but he is right on the money this time.  No way I could have said it better.  I've tried but ended up nowhere near as eloquent.  And the second-to-last paragraph is so true...

Commentary: Time for Cheney to go hunting

[SOURCE:  cnn.com] -- It's time for the Republican Party to tell former Vice President Dick Cheney to put a sock in it.

Here we are 100 days into the new administration of Barack Obama, and Darth Vader is still wandering around grumbling about why the new administration is all wrong.

Nobody is interested anymore, Mr. Vice President. You and your gaggle of miscreants had your shot, and we are in the toilet because of it. Don't you get it?

The election of this nation's first African-American president and his massacre of John McCain in the Electoral College is because of you and President Bush and the myriad problems you left us all with.

Last week, you were predicting President Obama's economic policies would have devastating effects in the long term. This from a member of an administration that more than doubled the national debt in eight years and gave $700 billion to its buddies on Wall Street, no questions asked. You're a little short on credibility when it comes to the economy, don't you think?

We are reading about enhanced interrogation memos written by lawyers at the Justice Department that authorized the United States of America to behave like some Third World gang of hoodlums like the Taliban or al Qaeda.

Two members of al Qaeda were waterboarded 266 times in a single month in violation of the Geneva Conventions as well as other international agreements we are signatories to. Who authorized those memos to be written, Mr. Vice President?

President Obama has done an about-face and said he now favors an investigation into those memos. Where will that investigation lead, Mr. Vice President? This country used to stand for something before you and President Bush got your hooks into it.

Now our reputation is shot, we are bankrupt, we continue to fight two wars that you started and the economy is in the worst recession since the Great Depression. And you have the temerity to go around criticizing those who replaced you? How dare you?

If the Republican Party has any hopes of redeeming itself in the eyes of the voters, they must distance themselves from the likes of Dick Cheney and the fundamentalist right-wingers who have become the poster children of political intolerance in this country.

Why do you think some members of your party are suggesting you embrace same-sex marriage? Because of a change of heart? I doubt it. More likely, the wiser heads in the party recognize that without some nod toward inclusion of someone besides the extremists you represent, your party's political chances going forward hover between slim and none.

Please, go quail hunting and leave the rest of us alone.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Jack Cafferty (and me!).

Bea Arthur

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true
You're a pal and a confidante

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
Thank you for being a friend

Those are the cutest microphones I have ever seen

Republicans are all bottoms!

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele was on FOX News (naturally) yesterday and he was talking about how there are no "factions" of the Republican party.  A lot has been said lately about so-called liberal issues (liberals, moderates, and otherwise clear-thinking individuals call them "civil rights issues") causing problems for the Republican party. 

One of the big topics in recent days has been gay marriage.  A lot of Republicans are now saying the party is going to have to start supporting it if they want to ever again have any political power.  (This doesn't mean they'll actually support it.  It means they'll openly pretend to support it since their current out-of-touch stance is making it increasingly difficult to win elections.) 

During the segment, Steels made a shocking admission.  He said the GOP had "bottomed and we hope that's the case."  He cautioned, "whether or not you've bottomed or not, you better have something to say to the American people."  (Whether or not or not?)

For years, I've been hoping the Republicans would stop being so anti-gay.  But I never intended for them to all rush out and get fucked in the ass.  I mean, I'm gay and I don't even do it!  But hey, if it helps turn them around (pun intended), I guess I'm all for it. 

Miss California blames pageant loss on her own homophobia

Miss California Carrie Prejean is claiming that she lost the Miss USA title last night because of her anti-gay answer to a question about same-sex marriage. 

To be fair, one of the judges was Perez Hilton so the pageant instantly loses any previous shred of credibility.  And let's face it, a pageant that isn't even Miss America is already skating on pretty thin ice.

During the pageant, Hilton asked her for her opinion on same-sex marriage.  Her reply:  "In my country, and in my family, I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman."  The audience made some noise but it was hard to tell whether they were happy, sad, or wondering what country she was talking about and how she got in the Miss USA pageant in the first place.  Later in the evening, Miss North Carolina Kristen Dalton, having not mentioned whether she's a friend of Dorothy, sneaked off with the crown.

Prejean stuck to her guns in an interview today, telling Billy Bush (don't even get me started on that one) that she said what she feels and was true to herself so she wouldn't have it any other way.  She insists the anti-gay answer is why a prettier girl won instead of her. 
 
Then Prejean said something almost as appalling as what she said last night:  "I feel like I'm the winner. I really do."  For evidence, she pointed to her 200+ friend requests and 1,000 new messages on Facebook. 

Poor, misguided, not-quite-as-pretty-or-smart-as-Miss-Carolina thing!  Looks like someone forgot to tell her the rules:  Being really popular on the Internet can get you disqualified from American Idol but it can't make you Miss USA.  

Rethinking gun control

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate when people sneeze.  I literally find it disgusting.  The sound of a sneeze can often be quite sickening and I don't want to be responsible for making others hear it.  Personally, when I have to sneeze, I try to get as far away from others as I can.  I don't think it's appropriate to inconvenience them with thousands of particles of my saliva coming at them at hundreds of miles per hour.  If I have no choice, I rush to find something with which to cover my mouth.  Other people of course aren't as considerate.

Speaking of inconvenience, the ShopRite near my job keeps moving their salad bar.  It is now in its third--and least convenient--location since the beginning of the year.  All three locations have been clear across the store from the beverages so if you stop in to pick up a salad for lunch--presumably what the salad bar is for--and you'd also like a beverage, you are forced into an unprovoked cardio workout.

Today, during my hike from the salad bar to the iced tea, I spotted a man standing in front of the poultry, holding onto a package of chicken parts.  To be completely frank, he was appalling even without sneezing.  He was at least a hundred pounds overweight, his clothes were dirty (in addition to being unfashionable), and his hair had clearly not seen shampoo or a professional scissor in many a moon.  Oh, and the index finger of his right hand was wiggling around in his right ear, presumably trying to find something that had made its way in there.  Disgusted as I was by the very sight of him, things only went downhill from there.

As I approached, he sneezed.  He didn't bother to cover his mouth and he didn't appear to care who saw.  As we've established, he's grossly overweight, he doesn't clean his clothes, he doesn't wash his hair, and he ear-fishes in public.  He has to know he's a lost cause so we can hardly expect him to care what others think of him. 

Now this was not just a garden variety, run-of-the-mill sneeze.  This detestable pig-man is so lazy, he couldn't even be bothered to open his mouth.  So the sneeze was forced through pursed lips.  It was an extended, obviously wet release of spit and god-knows-what-else which he sprayed all over the entire display of poultry, as well as the package of chicken in his left hand.  His mouth was actually aimed at the chicken he was holding.

As I passed, I actually uttered the word "disgusting" out loud.  And when I turned the corner toward the iced teas, I saw him put back his package of chicken, apparently having decided he didn't want that one after all.

Monday through Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

Starting May 4, my work schedule will be changing to Monday through Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.  (It was previously Sunday through Thursday, 10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.)  I am scared!  I've tried this in the past and it's never worked.  Although I'd venture a guess that I was single when I've tried this in the past and that's why it never worked. 

Now that I'm in a relationship where I actually live with the guy--and Benny is also currently looking for a position with a normal schedule--I imagine things will make much more sense.  It's not like I'm going to be in bars until 2:00 a.m. on weekdays.  I will definitely be in bars.  Just not til closing time.  (I haven't gone out since we started dating and I'm not going to act like I don't miss it.  Of course, the experience will be totally different as a person in a relationship.  So who knows?)

Anyway, if Benny's going to sleep at 11:00 p.m., it's not like I'm going to stay up tinkering on the computer or heading out to the bars.  It'll be bedtime in our house.  so I'll go to bed.  God, I just hope I can fall asleep!

Conservatives upset over Obama commencement. (Yawn!)

CNN and other news outlets have been reporting that conservative groups are upset that the University of Notre Dame has invited President Barack Obama to be the commencement speaker at its graduation ceremony.  Now comes news that the Catholic bishop of South Bend, Indiana has announced he will not attend the ceremony because of it.  I had the same reactions to both pieces of news:  Who is surprised?  And who gives a fuck?  I mean, seriously:  Could anyone care less about the Catholic bishop of South Bend, Indiana? 

Two things real quick

1. I just overheard my co-worker on the phone saying, "more than the universe."  It was obvious that he was being forced to answer the eternal question "How much do you love me?"  But he was answering with that weary tone that lets you know he's really thinking, "Aww, fuck.  Shit's been going on long enough.  This bitch needs to go!"  
2. I can't wait to start my new schedule.  May 3.  That is so far away.  A whole other month and a half of sitting with these people who are all obviously infected with whatever virus makes you sneeze most frequently and cough the loudest (and most productively).  Mostly, I can't wait to get away from that short, round, pink fucker.  He is so annoying.  And fuckin ugly.  He looks like a cartoon pig with the face of a cartoon frog.  An ugly cartoon frog.

No Saturday mail delivery? Fuck you bitches!

The postmaster general asked Congress today to lift the requirement that the postal service deliver mail six days a week.  He wants them to allow him to cut Saturday mail delivery.  Well then you know what, bitch?  You'd better also cut the price of stamps!  (Yet another rate increase is schedule for May, which takes a lot of balls considering this latest news, don't you think?)

This really galls me because I am currently in the midst of a postal service fiasco.  I moved a three months ago and the pigs still haven't managed to forward my mail!  They have my old address (an apartment with another apartment above it) in their system as non-residential so the change of address can't be done online.  I contacted them about the error twice but get this:  They told me point-blank they have no intention of fixing the error! 

So I printed their little old skool Change of Address form and left it for my mail carrier, which it says to do right on the form.  I put it in my mailbox with huge red lettering stating "FOR MAIL CARRIER - CHANGE OF ADDRESS REQUEST."  And for six days, that lazy pig opened the box and pretended he didn't see it.  When I taped it to the outside of the box, making it so obvious he could no longer pretend it he'd missed it, he finally took it.  But the mother fucker obviously threw it away because it never got processed. 

There's also an address on the form so I found a stamp and put the letter in an envelope with the exact address stated on the form.  It was returned to me with no explanation.  Just a huge stamp of a hand pointing its index finger.  I have no time for this bullshit so my boyfriend took the envelope to an actual post office where he encountered yet another lazy pig.  The lazy pig told him the address on the envelope was incomplete.  THE ADDRESS ON THE ENVELOPE WAS A PERFECT-TO-THE-LETTER COPY OF THE ADDRESS STATED ON THE FORM! 

Aside form that whole drama, the US postal service is one of the worst organization I can even think of.  It consists of a bunch of lazy assholes who get paid too much and do too little.  You know what Congress should do about the postmaster general's request?  They should just shut the thing down and the American public get things delivered via paid services like FedEx or UPS.  "There, postmaster:  Your funding issues are solved.  Now get lost!"

Republican Phil Gingrey's vagina apologizes for criticizing Rush Limbaugh

Last week, big fat drug addict and radio host Rush Limbaugh said on his show that he hopes President Obama "fails" and went on to sharply criticize Republicans who've said they hope Obama succeeds.  Pretending to not be one of them, Limbaugh said, "If I wanted Obama to succeed, I'd be happy the Republicans have laid down.  I hope he fails." 

His comments brought angry responses from Democrats and Republicans alike.  And rightly so:  With America teetering on the brink of collapse, there's perhaps never been a time when it was more important for our president to succeed.  Republican lawmakers realize that in order to fix the country, we need to put partisan bickering aside and get things done.  But without partisan bickering, Rush Limbaugh is left with nothing but empty prescription bottles and empty KFC buckets.  Thus, his idiotic comments.

In repudiating Limbaugh, Republican Rep. Phil Gingrey of Georgia told Politico, "It's easy if you're Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh or even sometimes Newt Gingrich to stand back and throw bricks.  You don't have to try to do what's best for your people and your party."  Then Gingrey got a backlash of his own:  Conservatives flooded his office with phone calls, forcing him to, as school children say, "take it back."

What his mouth giveth, his vagina taketh away.  His lady parts released a statement which included:  "I regret and apologize for the fact that my comments have offended and upset my fellow conservatives.  That was not my intent.  As long as I am in the Congress, I will continue to fight for and defend our sacred values. I have actively opposed every bailout, every rebate check, every so-called 'stimulus.'  And on so many of these things, I see eye-to-eye with Rush Limbaugh."

And his sheeplike constituents ate it all up.

Environmental Thuggery

In an interview published Monday ,Republican senator James Inhofe (anyone ever heard of him?) has called President Obama's plan to let 14 states regulate their own fuel emission standards "environmental thuggery."  Obama issued an executive order seeking to reduce greenhouse gases by allowing states to require stricter fuel standards for cars. 

The federal government's fuel standards guidelines are thought by  many to be lax and many states have wanted for a long time to enforce stricter limits on themselves.  There's no reason to stop them from doing so except that it could be harmful to industries--industries who give a lot of money to Republicans.  So it should come as no surprise that federal government--then under the control of former Texas governor (and Republican) George W. Bush--explicity prohibited them from doing so.

And Obama is the thug?  C'mon, Inhofe.  Get your head out of your ass.

It's over!

I can't believe it.  After eight long years, Bush & Cheney's reign of terror has finally come to an end.  Surprising is that no one forced it to an end before today.  Even worse, if history is any indicator, the GOP gets to start fucking things up again eight years from today.  For now, however, we heave a sigh of relief and pray that the new administration has enough time and assistance to get our country back on the right track.