Restroom etiquette

There are a couple things we need to discuss, some things you need to understand.

When you are in the restroom and you keep drying your already-dry hands...then staring blankly at yourself in the mirror...then back to drying your already-dry hands, you're not fooling anyone. We know you're waiting for us to open the door so you won't have to touch the door handle. How stupid do you think we are?

You're almost as disgusting as the freaks who don't even bother to wash their hands. These pigs don't worry about the door handle because they have no concern about hygeine (and certainly not about public safety). The only thing mildly amusing is knowing that the next time they go to the restroom, they'll be grabbing their dicks with the same hand that touched the filthy door handle. They may as well just slap their dicks against the door handle. These people all have herpes.

But there is one other group of boorish animals who need a verbal lashing. I've addressed this group before but it bears repeating: Even if I knew you, even if you and I were best friends, it would be inappropriate for you to stand at the urinal next to me and fart. We are already forced to be in each other's personal space. How can you think it's appropriate that one of us should start polluting the air at a time like that? Your mother should have aborted you.